Giving up Control

Giving up control and delegating work to others is one of the hardest things for me to do is to in all areas of my life. I am always concerned that the tasks will not be done as they should. When I am good at delegating, I can clearly communicate my expectations for the project. When I feel good about my communication, I can walk away and not have to micromanage the project. If I have done a good job of selecting my colleagues communicating with them, the project should turn out exactly as I expect, if not better.

This is easier to do at work than it is at home. What my children need is freedom, not control. I struggle with this on a daily basis. When I take a hands-off approach with my sons, I feel that I am being a bad father. I feel that I am not providing them with the guidance that they need to keep them away from the same pitfalls that I fell for when I was there age. Thankfully, they are doing better than I did at their age. When I try to apply more control to what they are doing, it is usually a miserable failure. My kids are good at what they do only when they decide that they want to, not when I decide that they want to.

I struggle with letting them take the time they need to determine if they want to do something. As an example, for years, I was in terrible shape in my 30s and early 40s, even though a portion of my salary depended on getting others, mainly teenagers, into great shape. I try to do the same with my children, getting them into great shape, not realizing that when I was their age, my parents gave me the space to figure things out. There were plenty of times that my parents thought that I took too much time to figure things out. Yet, they were patient, waited for me to make a decision, and then provided me with the guidance needed to be successful. In order for me to do this with my sons, I have to willing to give up control.

Control is a double-edged sword. You want to take responsibility for everything that happens in your life. You have to be willing to relinquish control at work by delegating tasks to others. Delegating only succeeds if you have great communication skills and you have selected the right people for the job. You have to relinquish control with those who you are helping to grow, i.e. your children. You have to let them steer the ship, lead by living a good life, provide them with guidance after they have made their own decision, and then hope that they make the right decisions. Easier said than done, but those that can get it done will lead others to success.