One of the first things that firemen learn about fires is that it takes three things to start a fire. First, you need a fuel source – something like wood or paper that is capable of burning. Second, there has to be an ignition source – the spark that sets the fire off. Finally, there needs to be an oxidizing agent – the most common is oxygen – which keeps the fire going. Together, these three things make up the fire triangle. Remove any one of them and the fire can’t sustain itself and will go out.
The other day, my wife and younger son had to wait for an hour in the doctor’s waiting room. While my wife tried to keep our son entertained, she couldn’t help overhearing another mom’s conversation with one of the other people in the waiting room. This mom was a whiner! She barely drew breath as she complained about the weather, property taxes, how long she’d been sitting in the waiting room, how lousy the teachers in her son’s school were, etc. The man who was listening just nodded along, initially. But gradually, he started to join in more and more emphatically. Yeah! Come to think of it, taxes are too damn high! The well was poisoned and the poison started to spread.
And it struck my wife that whining is a lot like fire. It has its own whiner’s triangle. Like fire, it also needs a fuel source – except, in this case, it’s the topic that inspires the complaining.
It needs an ignition source – some bad mood that sets off the complaining. Happy people don’t spend hours complaining. Generally, complaints happen when people are too tired, frustrated or angry to focus on solutions. Finally, it needs oxygen to keep going. Few people complain to an empty room. Other people’s attention and agreement (sometimes even disagreement) is the oxygen that fuels the whiner’s triangle.
There’s something undeniably cathartic about complaining to another person and having them validate us. We’re right! About everything! Politicians are liars and cheats! The roads are riddled with potholes. Why schedule appointments if people are still going to be sitting around waiting for an hour?!
We’re all human, we all have bad days and we all fall into the trap of whining at one point or another. But it’s a trap that we have to guard against. Have you ever walked into a break room at work when a crowd of people was standing around, complaining? When it carries on for too long, it becomes toxic. It spreads to other people until it infects almost the entire organization.
We begin to see our entire world through a dark, menacing lens. Everyone we meet is a potential enemy. Every circumstance in our life is unfair. Gradually, the poison spreads and the result is dissatisfaction with everything.
Fight the good fight. Don’t whine. Don’t poison the well
Every day is an interview.
Everyday is an Interview 