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I like good people who do great work with a great attitude. They lead by example and they uplift the spirit of those around them. Whether it is the barista who provides excellent service with a smile, or the contractor who works hard why wearing a smile on their face – proud of the worke that they are doing, or the mechanic who is grateful for your business, I like being surrounded by people with great attitudes.

It has been a good past few days. I have been surrounded by people who made me better. Their enjoyment, their attitude, and their efforts to do good work influenced me a better person with a better perspective. Thank you to those who led by example and impacted my frame of mind. I strive to do the same for you.

Just Be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong.

Once a month, my wife and I go to our favorite bakery, Sweet Melissa’s, to get some amazing pastries. It is worth the long drive and the extra calories that I have to burn off later in the day.

This time, we got stuck behind some slow and hesitant drivers. The type that seems to be lost and has no idea where they are going. The type of driver that reminds me of a teenager learning to drive. I wonder if I was that bad when I started to drive. I’d ask my parents but I am afraid to find out that I was probably worse.

Our oldest son got his driver’s license three months ago. It was painful teaching him how to drive. He is still learning and he has a long way to go. Suddenly, I have a newfound respect for driving instructors. It is beyond me that they are able to do this over and over again without having a heart attack. The whole process of teaching a teenager how to drive makes me seriously examine my life and determine what transgressions God is punishing me for. 

It takes a lot of “reps” to become a good driver. It takes a lot of patience to help them become one. 

Just Be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong.

It is Friday and it was a rough week at work, both mentally and emotionally. 

During one of our many team meetings today, one of my colleagues texted me and said, “It’s a whisky kinda night.” Though the thought of a strong and high-quality drink sounds like a good idea, I do not like to waste alcohol.

I enjoy a good drink, but not when I am upset. I no longer use alcohol as an escape from my challenges. I rather it as a reward for my successes.

I never want to waste a drink. I will not enjoy the drink when I am mentally and emotionally drained. I never want to have a drink that I cannot enjoy. This is a waste of good alcohol.

On top of all this, it is a dry week, actually the first of seven consecutive dry weeks. I just returned from my Spring Break (I did not go anywhere, but I enjoyed the break from work). I tend to go dry after this vacation until Memorial Day. I do this for several reasons. First, because I can. Being able to step away from alcohol and remain in control, no matter the stressors is essential. Each time I prove to myself that I can stay away from the booze, I am better able to savor those moments when I have a drink. Second, I like to reset my body every few months. As a rule, I do not drink in January, and I always take a few weeks off after Labor Day. These are both stressful times at work. The last thing I want to do is drink to escape my challenges. Third, I want to shed the last few pounds before we open the pool for the summer. I know it is vain, but I feel better when I can walk around our pool looking as fit as I feel. Besides, being fit and losing a few extra pounds around the waist is a good thing.

So know whisky for me tonight. I’ll save my money for a better bottle in six more weeks.

Just Be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong

On a Saturday morning, many years ago, I took my sons to their usual Taekwondo lesson. It was at the old dojang (Taekwondo gym), across the street from the new dojang. It was a very small space. Most days, we had to watch our sons train from outside. It was early in the morning and I was lucky enough to get a seat as there weren’t a lot of people watching the lesson.

Towards the end of the lesson, an advanced student walked in with his father. His father took off his shoes and carried a case of water to the back room. I was happy to see that even the parents showed respect when entering the training area. Even though I had seen the advanced student train many times, even taking the time to work with my sons, I had never seen the student’s father before. I was surprised moments later when he came out of the back room with his dobok (Taekwondo uniform) on wearing an orange belt. I knew right then and there that I was going to study Taekwondo at the same dojang.

I always wanted to become a martial artist. I dreamed of it ever since I was a young boy in the 70s watching Saturday afternoon kung fu movies at my grandparents’ house. I always had other priorities. I was too involved in too many other activities that I never took the time to get my trial lesson when I was young.

Fast forward four decades, and I am in my early 40s, working full time and finishing up my doctoral classes before I start my dissertation. My wife comes home with the boys from practice and tells me that their Taekwondo school gives parents a free lesson on Wednesday nights.

We got a babysitter, and on the following Wednesday night, we went to Taekwondo. We both were a sweaty and exhausted mess at the end of the session. My wife said that was fun, but once was enough. I was hooked. I began my study of Taekwondo that night. 

I have risen in the ranks over the years. I think back to that night and the journey that I started. The only student left from that first Wednesday night class is the same father who walked into the dojang many years ago, carrying a case of water to the back room. He is a man of strength and a man of character. He is a role model and a a source of inspiration. He is the man with the orange belt.

Just Be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong.

I never understood why people joined gyms. I belonged to one in my 20s, but that was for social reasons and a total waste of money. I spent more time “socializing” then working out. Something does not seem right about having to pay to hang out with others.

When I finally got serious about working out and getting fit, I was in my middle 40’s. There was no way I could justify the cost of a gym, both in the recurring fee to be a member and in the added time needed to travel back and forth to the gym and to wait for others to finish with the equipment. The burden was not worth it. 

I do not like spending money unless I have total control over the purchase. If I joined a gym, there would be parameters for when I could work out, what equipment is available to use, how long I could use the equipment, and how well others cleaned up after themselves. Its my workout, I should set the parameters.

The only rational thing to do was to buy my equipment. I saved up my money and bought a Rogue Monster Lite Rig, a barbell, a bench, a set of weights, and a pair of Power Block adjustable dumbbells. Over time, I added more equipment, including some kettlebells and an indoor bike. 

In the few years that I have owned the equipment, I have spent less money on the equipment than I would have on a gym membership. During the pandemic, I worked out on my terms and avoided the COVID-15 (See the previous blog “Say No to the COVID-15” posted on 5/5/20). I can even work out with my family when they want to. I enjoy having a gym where I set the rules, the tempo, and the attitude. 

With my gym, I will never be a victim of circumstances that prevent me from a workout. Having my gym is one of the best investments I have ever made. I strongly suggest that you sit down, work out the numbers, save the money, and make the investment. One word of advice, buy the best equipment that you can afford. It is well worth it. Oh yeah, and don’t forget to wipe down the equipment. No one likes sweaty messes in my gym.

Every Day is an Interview

Just be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong.

I want leaders who lead from the front. I want leaders who cut through the BS, take responsibility, and help the people that they serve. Find me these leaders, and I will vote for them to serve me and my family. Those leaders who failed their fellow Texans last week need not bother. You already failed the interview.

Teaching our oldest son to drive has been one of the most hair-raising, not that I have any left, and rewarding experiences this year. It has been a joy to watch him improve and grow each time he gets behind the wheel. However, we still struggle to teach him how to park when so many other adults are clueless at the task.

The other day, we were shopping at the local Target. We picked a spot, only to find that someone’s oversized Escalade had taken up half the spot. Why anyone needs an oversized Escalade is beyond me. However, if you have one and cannot park it in a single spot, you should be forced to park in your own lot. Either that or they should have to pay a fee for parking in multiple spots. 

As my son and I were driving around, we started to notice that there were more and more clueless “parkers” out there. We saw the “My car is too fancy for anyone to come near it, so I will take up two spots” in the same parking lot. When we stopped to pick up food, we saw the “I cannot park between the lines-person” and the “I do not want to park too close to the curb person.” It was a spectacular day for bad parking as we also found the elusive “Perpendicular Parker” on our way home. 

However, the most dangerous parking situation is when we park in a lot between two normal-sized cars, only to come out later and find two sky-scrapers parked on either side of us in such a way that prevents the driver from seeing anything as they try to exit their spot and enter the roadway safely.

Those of us who drive a normal-sized car need to stand up. If someone wants to park in multiple spots, charge them a fee. If someone wants to drive a large skyscraper, provide them with their own lots, making parking a safer adventure for the rest of us.

Let’s be adults and teach our children, by our example, that parking is an essential skill to learn.

Just Be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong. 

New Jersey’s Governor has decided to open up vaccinations to more citizens in the state. Most first responders and frontline workers have received the first round of vaccinations. Those over 65 and those at high risk between 16 and 64, including smokers, are eligible to receive the vaccine.

Really?

For months, we have heard pundits from both sides of the aisle pontificate about how important it is to open schools so mom and dad can go back to work hand our children can learn and grow. Governor Murphy based his educational policy on keeping our schools and their students and staff safe over the last ten months. Many schools in New Jersey are struggling to stay open because of the spread of COVD-19. Many school professionals are wary of contracting the disease by working and being near those who may have it, whether they show symptoms or are asymptomatic. Schools have struggled with online and hybrid learning because many students do not have the technology needed to learn from home. Yet, the governor prioritizes those who have developed an unhealthy habit that not only jeopardizes the smokers themselves but endangers those around them who breathe in the exhaust from their smoking activities. 

Throughout the whole pandemic, Governor Murphy has been a steady leader who, for the most part, made sound decisions. Prioritizing smokers, as opposed to teachers, when teachers are an essential key to opening up the economy in New Jersey, is baffling on many fronts. 

• Do smokers contribute more to the economy than freeing up Mom and Dad to go back to work?
• Is protecting smokers more important than educating our children? 
  • What a message this sends to our school-aged children
• Will protecting smokers over teachers solve the issue we have due to the inequity in technology access our students have across the state?
• Is the governor receiving more lobbying “support” from Big Tobacco than he is from the NJEA?
• Does the governor think that this decision will help him win re-election next year?

A governor needs to protect all his or her’s citizens. In emergency cases, you have to prioritize which group gets saved first, and thus are more important. Governor Murphy has spoken loudly. His actions speak louder than his words.

Just Be Better

Be Healthy, Be Strong.

As a country, we do not know how to lose. We are a nation of participation trophy recipients where everyone receives praise, not for their efforts or growth, but because they showed up to get the trophy after paying their fee, which cost more than the award. No one learns how to lose, as evidenced by the poor performances of those people who believe they are patriots yet do not understand how to act as one.

In 2016, James Harrison posted on Instagram, “I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy.” I could not agree more.

Reward growth, reward effort, but do not give the same symbols of champions to those who participate and lose.

When you lose, take the opportunity to improve yourself based on the lessons you learned from your failure. You do not deserve a participation trophy because you lost. What you do with the lessons you learned will be your trophy.

Success is learning from failures. No champion has won every game and every competition. Success is not about your ego; it is about getting better. Be obsessed with improvement.

Just Be Better

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong.