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There is nothing more that I despise than dishonesty. I find dishonest people to be weak and unable to accept their reality. 

I was recently Bait and Switched by AT&T and I am not happy. Because of the Bait & Switch, I have to pay an extra $200 on my first bill. When I pointed out AT&T’s error and I was told that there was nothing they could (would) do about the first bill, but they would make the corrections to my subsequent bills. I was then told that they would give me a discount on my future bills. Even with the disctount, it will take 13 bills to regain my money and more to regain the interest (I guess that I am lucky that the fed lowered rates). The first lesson I learned was to ask the salesperson directly what I would be charged on the first bill. The second lesson, never complete business using a company’s chat line. When I went to the local AT& T store, they were able to find our issues and correct our technical issues. I should have gone to them in the first place.

Backstory

My youngest son had recently lost his phone and we could not find it anywhere. My wife and oldest son had a different carrier that they were fed up with and they were ready to switch. One day, I was looking at my AT&T account to find out what it would cost to upgrade all of our phones and to add my wife and oldest son to my account. After 90 minutes on-line with the representative using the AT&T chatline, all four of us were on AT&T’s unlimited plan and our new phones were being shipped to the house. The first clue that something was wrong was when all four phones arrived separately. That seemed strange and economically stupid. The second clue was that the phones did not activate as promised. Luckily, a new AT&T store had just opened up nearby. We took the phones there and they took care of everything. The third clue that something was wrong was that my wife and oldest son started getting messages that they were running out of data. This was weird since we had signed up for an unlimited family plan. Then I got the bill. This was not what I was promised and I had a copy of the chat’s transcript to prove that I was right. I was livid.

I went to the nearby AT&T store, but could not wait on line to be helped as I had a pressing engagement. Five minutes after I left, I got a call from the store, the manager saw that my wife and oldest son had been signed up for the wrong accounts. He made the appropriate changes to my AT&T account and informed me that all I had to do was call customer help for a refund. 

I called customer help. There was no refund and nothing that they could/would do. I asked to speak to a manager. I was “surprised” to hear that the representative does not have a supervisor or manager. In other words, I was getting nowhere. If someone has a complaint with how I handled an issue at work, I direct them to my direct supervisor. I cannot believe that, one, I was not allowed to get my money back when AT&T made the mistake and I had the transcript to prove it and that two, the agent that I was talking to would not let me go to the next rung of leadership to deal with the issue.

I am still out $200 and no one “wants” to help me. Is AT&T that desperate that they have to Bait and Switch its customers to make money? Any advice would be appreciated. 

As a precaution, I went to the local AT&T store that had been so helpful and solved my issues. I had them look into my future bills to make sure that there were no more surprises. Fingers crossed.

Spend time with others because one day they will not be there.

I do not know if anyone said this before, but I am contemplating it heavily today. Yesterday, my in-laws came up for the day and we had a great time. My father is coming up today and I am looking forward to spending time with him after work. As I am getting older, I realize that I need to spend more time with my loved ones. One day, they will not be here anymore.

This hits home as my parents and in-laws are getting older and, unfortunately, weaker. Both my father and my father-in-law have knee issues. Watching them walk up the stairs is cringe-worthy.  This also hits home as we lost a colleague this past academic year. It was a sudden shock and I wish I spent more time with her, especially at the end. A few others that I am close to at work have medical issues that require focused attention. I do not want to ever regret the time I could have spent with them.

I wish that my children would spend more time with their grandparents. They are good kids, they just have different interests. They would rather hang out with their peers than their parents and their grandparents. Even though it bothers me, I realize that I was the same way when I was their age. It is a normal stage the children go through when they are in their teens.

Spend time with those around you. You can always get that something on your list done later. Once your loved ones are gone, they are gone forever.

I was one of the many student-athletes who tried out for soccer during my freshman year of high school. Little did I know that there was going to be a huge change between 8th-grade and high school soccer. I was so nonchalant about soccer that I did not decide until the night before tryouts to play soccer and not run cross-country. If I had picked cross-country, I never would have had the coaching experiences in soccer that made me who I am today.

On the last day of tryouts, the core of the team was already selected. I was not part of the core. I had the feeling that I had to do something to step up and separate myself from everyone else if I was going to have a chance to make the team. It was too late to get faster or stronger, so I concentrated on being the best communicator on the field. As the goalkeeper (true for any position), I need to be in constant contact with everyone on the field. I made sure that everyone on the field knew what was going on and that the coaches could hear me. I was too young to realize it at the time, but I was being the leader and communicator that day that I still strive to be today.

   I was one of the last people chosen for the team. 4 years later, we were crowned the Parochial State Co-Championships (no penalty kicks in HS championships at the time). It was an amazing experience that never would have happened if I did not speak up (literally) in August of my freshman year. It is amazing how we act when we really want something and we realize that might not get it.

Know who you want to be. Work diligently to be that person. Think outside the box. Never forget to be an excellent communicator

Every day is an Interview.

I was driving to a tutoring session along a local highway when I saw a deer jump out of the woods and right into my lane. I applied the brakes as hard as I could. Time did not slow down (When I got into my first car accident, time slowed down as I saw what was happening – Tachypsychia.) and the deer just barely makes it to the other side of the road without making contact with my car.

First reactions….

Oh my God… I almost hit a deer. Think of everything that would go wrong if I had hit the deer? My car would have been totaled. I would have missed mytutoring gig. My wife is away in another state and the boys are too young to pick me up along the side of the road. No family member lives within an hour of my house. I will have to get a rental car next weekend so that I can drive to Newport Rhode Island for my parent’s 50th anniversary. My hand was at 12 o’clock on the steering wheel. The airbags were going to deploy if I hit the deer and break my left arm. How am I going to drive four hours to Rhode Island with a broken arm? Poor deer…

All this, yet, I did not hit the deer. 

After a minute or two, I started to calm down and review my responses. First, I did not hit the deer. The doom that I envisioned earlier did not happen. At this moment I realized that I needed to get over it. This is not easy to do. Once you realize that you are in an elevated emotional state, you have to take action. I breathe deeply using a 4x2x4x2 (4 seconds in through the nose, 2 seconds hold, 4 seconds breathing out through the nose, 2 seconds hold) box breathing protocol to help me calm down. Realize the best thing to do is to realize that what is done is done. Move on. 

I realized that I was going to fast on the highway. If I had hit the deer, it would have been my fault. I also realized that my hand was in the wrong position on the steering wheel and my arm could have been broken when the airbags deployed. I also realized that I did not commend myself for what I did right. This was my biggest mistake and allowed my thoughts to run wild. I stayed in my lane, I applied the brakes in a decisive fashion (no one was behind me – I always check my mirrors), and I missed the deer. 

I realized after this near-miss that I needed to work on my first reactions to challenging situations. I never know when they are going to happen. I just know that I need to improve my emotional control, especially in the moments right after the event. The best way to work on this is to review one’s actions and make changes where needed.

Every day is an interview.

Last night, around 10 pm, I received an email announcing that my son’s high school Lacrosse Banquet would be held in 23 days on May 30. Normally, I would be excited. This is my son’s first year on high school lacrosse, and since 4th grade, my wife and I have only missed four of his games due to work. On May 30, my wife is flying to Kentucky to work for the College Board as a Table Leader. On May 30, I am hosting an event at school for accepted students and graduating seniors from one of the programs that I run. My wife’s event was planned over a month ago. My event was planned over a year ago. At this point, neither event could be moved.

I was annoyed. How irresponsible is it to plan something that every athlete and parent should go to at the last minute. I wonder if the organizer knew the date and decided to communicate it at the last minute. After all, it was held at a banquet hall and not a cafeteria. I wonder if the organizer thought that I would drop everything, forgo my job, and clear my calendar to meet her scheduling desires. I was also saddened. I felt awful that my son would be at the event without either of his parents. And I was still angry which meant that I was not solving the problem

My feelings of emotion started to influence my thinking. Because of this, I was not solving the problem. Once I recognized the feeling of helplessness, and that I was not about to die, I realized that I had to solve the problem. I came up with three solutions, emailed my Dad, explained our situation, and invited him to go to the banquet with Aiden. He said yes. Both my wife and I were relieved. My Dad was excited because he never got invited to a banquet as a grandparent.

You need to recognize when the emotions are taking over and you are no longer thinking through the challenge. Hopefully, in the future, the people who run events for our children will realize that we need longer lead times to schedule our lives. Even more so, I hope that I will continue to recognize when I am losing focus on the challenge and just solve the problem.

Every day is an interview.

The 10th rule of Taekwondo at our Do-Jang is to finish what you started. If you decide to start something, make sure you are prepared to follow it through to the end, regardless of the challenges you may face. When you make the conscious decision to start something, you have made the conscious decision to finish it.

I hate when things start out well and end poorly. Watching the last 5 episodes of Game of Thrones makes me realize how important it is to finish what you start. R.R. Martin develops an amazing story that was turned into a hit HBO series. Unfortunately, he never finished the books and the last season of the show was as boring to me as the last season of Seinfeld or the final episode of Dexter. (Who drives a boat through a Hurricane only to become a truck driver at a loggers camp? That wasn’t brilliant, that was lazy) Both were brilliant shows until the end and I am disappointed as to how they went away. It is not always first impressions that count. An example of ending a series perfectly… Fleabag. If they are going to make a second season, please don’t ruin what you created.

In the end, the original brilliance and creativity of Game of Thrones that hooked so many of us were lost to the battle for more viewers. What is more important to the networks? A brilliant ending or maximizing the number of viewers.  In the case of Game of Thrones, I got to witness writers trying to develop characters as they were sitting around drinking before the final battles. If I wanted to see characters being developed while they are sitting at a bar drinking ale, I will watch reruns of Cheers.

What could have been the greatest series of all time was ruined because the true creative genius behind the show could not finish the job of writing the story. Instead, he let HBO and its stable of writers, producers, and directors provide us with a lackluster ending that did not align to the brilliance of the previous seasons. 

Don’t fall into the same trap and lose focus as to why you started something.

Follow Taekwondo Rule #10, finish what you started, but remember why you started that something and persevere to finish well.

Every day is an interview.

One of the most difficult things for me to do is to let good candidates know that they did not get the job. I have already interviewed these candidates and I feel that they did very well and that they would be a good fit. Unfortunately for them, someone else did a better job during the interview process.  Most of the time, our HR department contacts the candidate and lets them know of our decision. It is not an easy job. 

In our district, our HR department communicates to all candidates our decision. First, I will give them the names of my top-choice candidate as well as a list of everyone that we interviewed for the position. The top-choice candidate will meet with the director of HR and the Superintendent of Schools for a short interview. The HR Director will then go through all of the contracts, benefits, tasks to be done, and check all requisite certifications, fingerprints, etc.. Then, if the top-choice candidate signs, the HR department will send out notifications to all of the other candidates to let them know that they did not get the job.

In certain cases, I feel that it is pertinent for me to contact the unsuccessful candidate personally. There are several reasons for this. In some cases, I already know the candidate through past work experiences or they might have been recommended by a colleague. I would rather tell these candidates then let them receive a form letter. In other cases, the candidate did so well, I wanted to personally let them know. In these cases, I will offer a recommendation on their behalf to any other institute that they are seeking employment. In two cases, I ended up hiring these “unsuccesful” candidates at a later date. I am confident that I would not have been able to hire them if I did not make the phone call letting them know of our original decision.

I never want to give bad news to good people, even when I believe that we have made the correct hiring decision. When I have in the past, I strongly believed that it was important for me to reach out and personally thank the candidate for their time and effort. I do not enjoy these phone calls, but it is the right thing for me to do.

Difficult conversations are never easy. It is important to decide when a difficult conversation is necessary and to take the actions (preparation) needed to have a productive conversation. Never sugar-coat your conversation, be honest, and never let the conversation go longer than needed. When you believe that you need to do the right thing, make sure that you do it well.

Every day is an Interview.

Out of all the Obstacle Course Races (OCRs) that I run, none is harder than the Spartan Beast at Mountain Creek, New Jersey. Not only do you go up and down… and up and down… and up and down the mountain, you also have 30+ obstacles to overcome. These obstacles are designed to challenge you both mentally and physically. When I fail an obstacle, I have to complete 30 penalty burpees. It is not fun, but I am not completing the OCRs for fun. I am doing them to challenge myself and to make myself better. My end goal each year is to beat my time from the previous year.

I ran the Spartan Beast at Mountain Creek this past Sunday (April 28th). It was a cold and rainy day, the course was muddy and slippery, and steep. I had a good start, but by the time I submerged myself in the freezing cold muddy water, the obstacle is known as the dunk tank, on a day that was already cold (41 °F) and wet, my good start was fading away. It took me a few miles to get my body heat back and I was slow during this stretch of the race. I finished the race one minute slower than the previous year. The race destroyed me, yet I was ok with the results.

Compared to my goal time, I was extremely slow. I put in the miles in training to complete the course, which laughably claimed to only be 12.9 miles long (more like 14.5). The ascensions were rough and my right knee ached on the descents. However, there was one big difference between the race last year and the race this year. Last year, I swore that I never wanted to do the race again. It took everything that I had inside me not to quit. This year, there was no feeling sorry for myself. There was no desire to quit. I knew that I wanted to give more, but that I mentally gave all that I had. Sometimes, it is the way that you persevere through the challenge that is more important than the actual time it takes to complete the challenge.

I want to run another Spartan Beast as soon as possible. I wish they occurred more frequently. I know that I have a lot of work to do to get to the time that I want, but I will study my training, make changes to my hydration, nutrition, and sleep, and I will get my target time… and I will do it with the right attitude.

As I am getting ready for another season of Obstacle Course Races (OCRs), I am pondering my improvement in certain areas. I focused a lot on my running form, endurance and upper body strength in the off-season. When I tested my self to see how far I had come, I realized that I still had some deficiencies in my upper body strength, especially with regards to pull up strength. I am definitely a little disappointed in myself as I expect more from my efforts.

I realized that I was going to do more burpees as penalties this season. The Spartan Race penalty for failing an obstacle is 30 burpees. I averaged 4-5 fails a race last year (Rope Climb, Anything with rings, spear throw, Twister, etc.). Each fail adds at least 3 minutes to my time as I complete the burpees. It sucks and I do not enjoy doing the burpees. I did not create the penalty, but I assume the burpees are to “encourage” us to succeed on the obstacle. Worst case scenario, a set burpees is an excellent workout.

So why is something that is good for us a punishment? It is similar to running laps when you make a mistake. As a former track coach, I find it laughable that a coach would have someone run laps because they made a mistake. Isn’t running supposed to be glorified in most sports as opposed to a punishment? In fact, I may want to run the laps as opposed to completing the task. If this is true, then the punishment is my way out.

I want to run a clean OCR race and complete each obstacle without issue. If I do not, it is ok, I can just do burpees. Is the punishment making it ok for me to fail?

I am terrible at climbing ropes. I can teach my son’s to climb a rope, but I have failed every time I tried to get to the top. Even with failing to climb the rope, I can successfully complete an obstacle course race, get my official time, and earn my medal. Instead of improving my rope climbing abilities, I can just rely on my 30 burpees to get me by to the next challenge. The punishment is not changing my behavior, thus the punishment is failing its purpose (to change behavior).

I may not want to do the burpees, but I can do the burpees, and I will do them because I still cannot climb the rope. At this point, after 9 obstacle course races, has the punishment become my enabler instead of my “changer-of-habits”.

Be careful of the consequences that provide you with an alternative to your failure. Do not rely on them to earn success. If you cannot climb a rope, instead of doing the burpees, try and try again. Do what it takes to be successful and stay away from things that enable you to fail.

Every day is an Interview

What did you do this past Memorial Day Weekend? Barbecues, Parties, the Beach, etc… For most of us, it is a long weekend and a chance for us to unwind and relax. But what did you do to remember those people who gave their lives for our country?

Memorial Day is a time to honor those men and women in the Armed Forces who gave died serving our country. They fought to defend the ideals that built this country. As Americans, we need to show respect and gratitude for their sacrifice on Memorial Day and demonstrate that the holiday is something more than just the start to the summer.

Memorial Day Weekend is usually when I finish all of the major outdoor projects that need to be completed before the summer begins. When I get everything done, I will relax, read, and watch the NCAA Men’s Lacrosse Tournament. I also sign up for, contribute money to, and complete the Murph Workout. This workout is named after Lieutenant Michael P. Murphy. Lt. Murphy died in Afganistan while trying to get support for his teammates while they were involved in a deadly firefight. For more information, go to https://www.navy.mil/ah_online/moh/murphy.html. Lt. Murphy was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor for his heroic and unselfish actions in this firefight.

To honor the memory of Lt. Murphy, I sign up for the Murph Workout, contribute money to the scholarship fund ($60) in his name, and complete the workout. The workout consists of running 1 mile, 100 pull-ups, 200 push-ups, 300 squats, and then running another mile. All of this is done while wearing a 20# vest. It is not an easy task, but it can be done in under an hour (54:04 this year). I do not belong to a CrossFit Box, but many support the workout on Memorial Day. For more information on your local CrossFit Box, go to www.Crossfit.com.

The Murph workout is becoming more popular as more and more people are trying to complete it on Memorial Day. The money is raised for a worthy cause, people are challenging themselves, and people are honoring someone who sacrificed their lives for our country, our ideals, and for his teammates. The latter being the true reason for Memorial Day.

If you missed the workout and Memorial Day, you can still sign up to do the workout and contribute money to the scholarship fund at www.themurphchallenge.com.

Thank you Lt. Murphy, and all those men and women in the United States Armed Forces who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our country. Please do something to remember them every Memorial Day Weekend, if not everyday.