Everyday is an Interview

One of the first things that firemen learn about fires is that it takes three things to start a fire.  First, you need a fuel source – something like wood or paper that is capable of burning. Second, there has to be an ignition source – the spark that sets the fire off.  Finally, there needs to be an oxidizing agent – the most common is oxygen – which keeps the fire going. Together, these three things make up the fire triangle. Remove any one of them and the fire can’t sustain itself and will go out.  

The other day, my wife and younger son had to wait for an hour in the doctor’s waiting room.  While my wife tried to keep our son entertained, she couldn’t help overhearing another mom’s conversation with one of the other people in the waiting room.  This mom was a whiner! She barely drew breath as she complained about the weather, property taxes, how long she’d been sitting in the waiting room, how lousy the teachers in her son’s school were, etc. The man who was listening just nodded along, initially.  But gradually, he started to join in more and more emphatically. Yeah!  Come to think of it, taxes are too damn high!  The well was poisoned and the poison started to spread.

And it struck my wife that whining is a lot like fire.  It has its own whiner’s triangle. Like fire, it also needs a fuel source – except, in this case, it’s the topic that inspires the complaining.

It needs an ignition source – some bad mood that sets off the complaining. Happy people don’t spend hours complaining.  Generally, complaints happen when people are too tired, frustrated or angry to focus on solutions. Finally, it needs oxygen to keep going.  Few people complain to an empty room. Other people’s attention and agreement (sometimes even disagreement) is the oxygen that fuels the whiner’s triangle. 

There’s something undeniably cathartic about complaining to another person and having them validate us.  We’re right!  About everything!  Politicians are liars and cheats!  The roads are riddled with potholes.  Why schedule appointments if people are still going to be sitting around waiting for an hour?!  

We’re all human, we all have bad days and we all fall into the trap of whining at one point or another.  But it’s a trap that we have to guard against. Have you ever walked into a break room at work when a crowd of people was standing around, complaining?  When it carries on for too long, it becomes toxic. It spreads to other people until it infects almost the entire organization.  

We begin to see our entire world through a dark, menacing lens.  Everyone we meet is a potential enemy. Every circumstance in our life is unfair.  Gradually, the poison spreads and the result is dissatisfaction with everything.  

Fight the good fight. Don’t whine. Don’t poison the well

Every day is an interview.

Even Motley Crue cannot keep their word.

OK, this should not come as a big surprise, but I actually thought they were done. Four years ago, we were told that Motley Crue had played their last show. They even signed a “binding’ contract. Many fans flocked to see the shows and paid extra money for perks because this was the end. 

Wrong. They are back, and on a tour with two other bands from the past. Somebody in the band needed to get paid again. Clearly, Motley Crue has a price that is worth more than their word, and the binding contract they made with their fans.

I never saw the band live. However, if someone paid to see them play their last tour four years ago, do they have a legal right to get some of their money back? i.e. I paid for the last tour, and it was not the last tour, therefore it was false advertising. If the music industry cannot clean this up, maybe the courts can. What about KISS, who is on their final tour number ??? What about the other bands that are claiming that their tour is the last one? Do they owe something to the fans that made sacrifices of their time and their finances to see them one last time? Bands are always talking about the integrity of their music. Shouldn’t we expect them to act as such?

Every day is an interview.

The other day, my sister’s children were in the league championship swim meet. The league was composed of a few local public swim clubs. Her children are very good swimmers and have very good results. At the end of the meet, my sister noticed that the best swimmer from one of the other teams was in four events when the rule states that each swimmer could only be in three events. Because of this, my sister’s children’s team won by two points. Good for her and good for the team.

But what about the bad side? What about the coach who did this? Was it a mistake or was it done on purpose? Regardless, his actions demonstrate terrible leadership.

Lost in who won or who lost is the message that they sent to the swimmer who sat on the bench and should have swum while the best swimmer swam? In the recounting of the story, no one mentioned this young child. No one knew what he felt or how he handled the situation. If that was my child, I would want to know why the coaches did not tell him directly that he wasn’t good enough to swim in the final event and that they were going to have someone else swim in his place. It might sound harsh, but if you cannot be honest with my children, then you do not get to interact with them.

Growing up, I was usually one of the last people picked for teams. In retrospect, it was fair as I was not a very good athlete. To be fair, I never dedicated myself to getting better. I loved playing sports, but it was for social interactions and not the competitive nature of sports. When I was not picked last, I felt pretty good about myself.

When I was younger, probably around 11 or 12, I went to a local summer camp. From what I remember, it was a lot of fun. One afternoon, we were playing stickball. It was coming down to our last out, we had runners on the bases and we were down a run. The camper who was picked last was next to bat. One of the older kids tried to bat out of order. He was caught, and by rule, he was out for batting out of order. The other team celebrated and we were dejected. None more dejected than the camper who was picked last. Looking at his face, it was evident that he was devastated and embarrassed. I can still see his face today.

I do not know what happened to that young man. I hope that he turned out well. I apologize for my role that day. Not because I tried to cheat at his expense, at the cost of his dignity, but because I did nothing to stand up and stop it.

Winners finish. I just got bib pins for my OCR races that say “I’d rather be last than not finish”. I always finish my races. Some results are great (for me), others… not so much. When you start a project (race, game, practice session, workout, diet, blog, etc), finish.

I tend to have too many projects going on at once. Instead of compartmentalizing the other projects that I have to do, I spend my time working on one project while I am thinking of all of the other projects that I have/want/need to complete. It is like multitasking in my mind while getting nothing done. I do not stay in the present and my results are not what they should be. This is not the type of habit that I want to embrace. 

When I focus on one task at a time and concentrate solely on that task until it is done, I have better results. 

Write a list of the things that you want to do tomorrow. Start the first task and solely focus on it until it is done. No matter what, do not go to the second task until you have completed the first task, no excuses. When you finish the first task, go onto the second task and focus solely on it. Keep repeating until you have ended your workday. See how much more productive you are and how the quality of your work has improved.

Never multitask if you want to produce the best results.

Every day is an interview.

I was at the beach a few weeks ago with my youngest son. We got there early and picked an unobstructed spot close to the prior day’s high tide line. We wanted to make sure that we were as close to the ocean as possible without having to move and that we could see each other and our stuff throughout the day. 30 minutes later, a loud and obnoxious family sat right in front of us. I could no longer clearly see my son in the water. I was then forced to listen to their club music, their whining son, and their loudly judgmental friend. In a short amount of time, I was getting angry and upset. 

What happened to me? I started to become them. Instead of maintaining who I want to be, a cool calm and collected individual who is secure in who he is, solving problems and strong enough not to judge others, I started judging the people who were blocking my view and did nothing to solve the problem. At one point, the judgmental friend was going on about how she had to tell one of her friends that they needed to step up and parent their children. As know-it-all was saying this, a lifeguard was in the water rescuing her child. Did she do anything when she saw this… No, she did not correct the kid and give him parameters for safe swimming nor did she thank the lifeguard for saving her son’s life. At this point, I could almost excuse myself for being so judgy.

Some would say that they ruined my day. They did not. If I wanted to, I could have moved our chairs so that I would have a better sightline on my son and away from their music.  I chose not to. The people who were in front of me did not influence my day. My mental reactions to them influenced my day. If I want to be the strong person that I talked about earlier, I cannot fall for this. Either move or ignore them. Judging them will not get you anywhere and ruin everyone’s day.

Every day is an Interview.

I am a life-long Oakland Raiders fan. They have been my favorite team since I was a child. I have watched them win and I have watched them lose. Each year, I am hopeful that the additions to the team will lead us to the playoffs and beyond. For the last few years, my hopes and dreams have led to nothing but disappointment.

This year we got Antonio Brown (and Richie Incognito). I nevr wanted him on the tema. If he was so good, why did the Steelers let him go and therefore, why do we want to hire their cast aways? (I know why Richie Incognito was let go but I do not know why we want to hire him either.) Early on, it seemed that things could be good. But, true to recent Raider’s form, disappointments started to emerge. There was the helmet issue, the frost-bite on his foot, missing practice, and the fight(s) with his General Manager. He was a distraction that was unwanted. At what point does his behavior detract from his ability to help the team win? I am not sure why we waited until he asked for his release to let him go. Make a statement and let him go (let R. I. go too) when he starts to veer away from your expectations of behavior. Learn to hire those people who align with the phrase “Commitment to Excellence”. This phrase used to be the Raider’s core value. With this phrase, you might be able to start saying your other mantra “Just Win Baby.”

Every day is an Interview… stop being afraid to lose by hiring people with bad team character. Getting Antonio Brown was nothing short of a desperate act by a team that is afraid to lose. Instead, aspire to win. Define the right character, hold everyone to that level or higher, and commit to being excellent every day in everything that you do. Go Raiders.

Persistence is a habit. Habits can be good and lead to life-changing growth. Habits can also be detrimental and lead to poor choices.

Do not let your view of persistence get in the way of those things that are truly important to you. Enjoy the Labor Day holiday. Plan your habits so you can accomplish your goals before the next holiday or scheduled day off. This is essential to becoming the authentic person you envision.

Happy Labor Day!

What are you being persistent about today? What change are you going to make?

There is nothing more that I despise than dishonesty. I find dishonest people to be weak and unable to accept their reality. 

I was recently Bait and Switched by AT&T and I am not happy. Because of the Bait & Switch, I have to pay an extra $200 on my first bill. When I pointed out AT&T’s error and I was told that there was nothing they could (would) do about the first bill, but they would make the corrections to my subsequent bills. I was then told that they would give me a discount on my future bills. Even with the disctount, it will take 13 bills to regain my money and more to regain the interest (I guess that I am lucky that the fed lowered rates). The first lesson I learned was to ask the salesperson directly what I would be charged on the first bill. The second lesson, never complete business using a company’s chat line. When I went to the local AT& T store, they were able to find our issues and correct our technical issues. I should have gone to them in the first place.

Backstory

My youngest son had recently lost his phone and we could not find it anywhere. My wife and oldest son had a different carrier that they were fed up with and they were ready to switch. One day, I was looking at my AT&T account to find out what it would cost to upgrade all of our phones and to add my wife and oldest son to my account. After 90 minutes on-line with the representative using the AT&T chatline, all four of us were on AT&T’s unlimited plan and our new phones were being shipped to the house. The first clue that something was wrong was when all four phones arrived separately. That seemed strange and economically stupid. The second clue was that the phones did not activate as promised. Luckily, a new AT&T store had just opened up nearby. We took the phones there and they took care of everything. The third clue that something was wrong was that my wife and oldest son started getting messages that they were running out of data. This was weird since we had signed up for an unlimited family plan. Then I got the bill. This was not what I was promised and I had a copy of the chat’s transcript to prove that I was right. I was livid.

I went to the nearby AT&T store, but could not wait on line to be helped as I had a pressing engagement. Five minutes after I left, I got a call from the store, the manager saw that my wife and oldest son had been signed up for the wrong accounts. He made the appropriate changes to my AT&T account and informed me that all I had to do was call customer help for a refund. 

I called customer help. There was no refund and nothing that they could/would do. I asked to speak to a manager. I was “surprised” to hear that the representative does not have a supervisor or manager. In other words, I was getting nowhere. If someone has a complaint with how I handled an issue at work, I direct them to my direct supervisor. I cannot believe that, one, I was not allowed to get my money back when AT&T made the mistake and I had the transcript to prove it and that two, the agent that I was talking to would not let me go to the next rung of leadership to deal with the issue.

I am still out $200 and no one “wants” to help me. Is AT&T that desperate that they have to Bait and Switch its customers to make money? Any advice would be appreciated. 

As a precaution, I went to the local AT&T store that had been so helpful and solved my issues. I had them look into my future bills to make sure that there were no more surprises. Fingers crossed.

Spend time with others because one day they will not be there.

I do not know if anyone said this before, but I am contemplating it heavily today. Yesterday, my in-laws came up for the day and we had a great time. My father is coming up today and I am looking forward to spending time with him after work. As I am getting older, I realize that I need to spend more time with my loved ones. One day, they will not be here anymore.

This hits home as my parents and in-laws are getting older and, unfortunately, weaker. Both my father and my father-in-law have knee issues. Watching them walk up the stairs is cringe-worthy.  This also hits home as we lost a colleague this past academic year. It was a sudden shock and I wish I spent more time with her, especially at the end. A few others that I am close to at work have medical issues that require focused attention. I do not want to ever regret the time I could have spent with them.

I wish that my children would spend more time with their grandparents. They are good kids, they just have different interests. They would rather hang out with their peers than their parents and their grandparents. Even though it bothers me, I realize that I was the same way when I was their age. It is a normal stage the children go through when they are in their teens.

Spend time with those around you. You can always get that something on your list done later. Once your loved ones are gone, they are gone forever.